See the World Through My Eyes

Single and searching? Get a dog!

It is my pleasure to introduce to you my brother Patrick Wanyoike an Organic Chemistry graduate from the University of Lowa. I have known him most of my life. He is the only person that I know is both an introvert and an extrovert. When we were younger, he told me that one day he’d write a book on the art of  wooing women. I think it’s time. He has arguably perfected the art of merging story-telling and scientific research to back up his arguments. You might want to read this. He could be talking to you.

So you are a beautiful lady, tired of meeting the wrong men. You have kissed so many frogs that you don’t believe in fairy tales any more. You begin to believe Mr. Right is a myth and start looking for Mr. Right Now. Your list of things that you want in a man has whittled down to the bare skeleton; you just hope you can find a breathing one and work from there.  It seems that every good man that comes your way is either gay or married.

Good men are such a rarity nowadays, they exist, and you just got to find them. You see, getting a man is like getting a pet; you can’t just go out there and snatch up the first cat, dog or bunny you see. You have to research and find what works for you. Are you a single lady looking for the right man? Get yourself a dog. Yes that’s right a dog. He’s the best man out there.

He is termed as a player, but to tell you the truth. He is the sweetest, nicest man you could find. When you think about a dog, the animal not the man it refers to. Do you think of unfaithfulness or do you think of companionship, an animal with a variety of uses and man’s best friend? Now what comes to mind when you think of a pig? The dog represents a whole lot of positivity. Forget the negative aspects, nobody’s perfect.

So what makes the dog, a great man to have in your life? First and most, dogs come in all shapes and sizes. If you want a man you can carry around in a bag, figuratively of course, get a Chihuahua, you want someone who can protect you, a German shepherd or a Labrador. Someone to guide you, a seeing-eye dog will make sure you never stumble. You want a cute looking guy; get yourself a Pomeranian or a Maltese. My point is, you have to know what kind of man you want before you go looking for one, even when you go shopping you can’t buy pants and wear them like a shirt; it just doesn’t work like that. At the end of the day, when you do get that dog that’s right for you, you got it made!!!!

So you have your dog, what next? Now you have to train him. Dogs are intelligent animals. All he needs is a little instruction and soon you will have him eating off the palm of your hand. Sounds wonderful, doesn’t it? This man as long as you treat him right will never leave your side; he will stand by you always, after all, the dog is man’s best friend. He is obedient and easy to train. Besides there is nothing better than keeping your man on a leash, that way he won’t stray and end up with another owner. Let’s probe a little deeper and see exactly what kind of training a dog (man) needs. Let’s examine the case of a well-known scientist known as Ivan Pavlov from our biology lessons.

Pavlov was looking at the digestive process in dogs, especially the interaction between salivation and the action of the stomach. He realized they were closely linked by reflexes in the autonomic nervous system. Without salivation, the stomach didn’t get the message to start digesting. Pavlov wanted to see if external stimuli could affect this process, so he rang a metronome at the same time he gave the experimental dogs food. After a while, the dogs — which before only salivated when they saw and ate their food — would begin to salivate when the metronome sounded, even if no food were present. In 1903 Pavlov published his results calling this a “conditioned reflex,” different from an innate reflex, such as yanking a hand back from a flame, in that it had to be learned.

Pavlov called this learning process (in which the dog’s nervous system comes to associate the sound of the metronome with the food, for example) “conditioning.” He also found that the conditioned reflex will be repressed if the stimulus proves “wrong” too often. If the metronome sounds repeatedly and no food appears, eventually the dog stops salivating at the sound. So what does this tell us? You need to train and enforce fidelity or any other trait in your man. It works, try it. However, once he is all yours, it’s important not to ‘tease’ him as all that conditioning will go out the window. It’s just the way we are wired, don’t blame us, blame Mother Nature.

Dogs are very loyal. They are faithful to their masters, or in this case, mistresses. They are also very intelligent. A friend of mine raises a point on fidelity, a dog is one of the most unfaithful men out there, but before we condemn them, let’s investigate the cause. Dogs are naturally attention loving animals and once you don’t give them attention, they will do something to get your attention, like pee on the carpet. Here are some excerpts from a few dog studies.

“Psychology research has shown that human faces are asymmetrical with the gaze instinctively moving to the right side of a face upon encountering other humans to obtain information about their emotions and state. Research at the University of Lincoln shows that dogs share this instinct when meeting a human being, and only when meeting a human being. As such they are the only non-primate species known to do so. Dr. Stanley Coren, an expert on dog psychology, states that these results demonstrated the social cognition of dogs can exceed that of even our closest genetic relatives, and that this capacity is a recent genetic acquisition which distinguishes the dog from its ancestor, the wolf. Studies have also investigated whether dogs engaged in partnered play change their behavior depending on the attention-state of their partner. Those studies showed that play signals were only sent when the dog was holding the attention of its partner. If the partner was distracted, the dog instead engaged in attention-getting behavior before sending a play signal”

To answer your first question, yes they are people out there who work as dog psychologists; it’s a strange world, deal with it.  And secondly, there is the main cause of infidelity. You start ignoring your dog; he sleeps with your best friend. It is not that he hates or disrespects you; it’s just that he yearns for your attention. I know it’s going overboard but hey when a man likes you, he will do anything to get your attention. Now from here it just simple math, give him some attention and no straying. This leads me to my next point, intimacy.

All I have to say is to ask you to think of how many sexual positions you know are named after animals? Which one tops the list? Case closed. So once you have him and are taking care of him, you are totally set. Besides when a dog retires from the game, he serves one mistress for the rest of his life. This is in contrast to get something like a horse which after retiring from the racetrack, are put to stud. Their job is to breed. Seriously, do you expect someone like this to be faithful?

So are you a single woman, looking for a nice man. Get a dog suited to your personality, train him and put him on a leash. You can instill honesty, trust, respect, communication, attention intimacy, commitment and anything else that you need for a strong, enduring relationship. Result? You will live happily ever after, as long as you keep up the training. Same way you can’t get a car and not take it for routine maintenance. This is not quantum mechanics or the theory of relativity, it’s a simple case of A+ B = C

I feel that I have clearly made my point that the dog is the best kind of man out there. You don’t need a monkey, a pig, or any other animal. Get a dog. Need clarification or some more proof that the dog is the best man out there for you? You know where to find me.

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