COMING TO AMERICA: A dog’s account
My guest writer on this article is a great friend of mine (we are members of the same pack), but he’d rather keep his identity anonymous as it would greatly affect his current status. Once again, I would like to welcome comments and articles for this blog as we shamelessly discuss and learn from our experiences.
I was fresh off the boat, or should I say plane? Had a few escapades getting here but that’s a story for another day. I survived and was in the land of opportunity, ready to face the world, determined, driven and ambitious. Just another fresh-faced African brother arriving in the US. Hoping to get an education and hopefully get with an American girl. I know, I know, I came to get an education, but on top of my list was to sample the local delicacies, mainly the ladies. To tell you the truth, there is no man who goes someplace new and thinks like, “Hmm I would love their culture, language and customs.” Sure that’s somewhere on the list but those are things we would like to learn from the natives, preferably a nice looking lady that is willing to accommodate a few other requests. Married men on their honeymoon also are a victim to this, sad to say. So for all women out there, on your honeymoon, don’t let your man leave the room; keep him busy.
I was one of the few lucky ones to have someone to show me the ropes. First thing they told me, “Keep off the girls at school,” “What?” Talk about having your hopes and dreams crashed. I felt deflated but stubborn as I am I couldn’t fathom the thought of striking out. So with this mind, I set out to see what was on offer. First day in school, fresh cut, dressed nice, looking sharp. No luck, second day, zip, third…none. The week dragged on and I was still a ‘virgin.’ That Friday, one of the Africans brothers had an accident. Unfortunately, his car got into a fight with some bricks and lost….badly. Word on the street was, he was encroaching on somebody else’s territory and this was a message, to kindly KEEP OFF. My dream of getting laid was becoming more and more of a dream and soon enough I would throw in the towel and start hunting familiar prey.
The weekend came and went and I arrived in school with renewed purpose. Am stubborn like that. I figured I didn’t own a car so the chances of that happening to me were zero. And from high school math, if the probability was zero, then it would be impossible for the event to occur, a familiar case is the chance of the sun rising in the West and setting in the East…impossible, probability? ZERO. I was set and ready for anything. First class I met the same African brother, and damn, he had two black eyes, not one but two, reminded me of the bushbabys I used to see when we used to go for camping in Rowaland in my primary and high school days. He told me he fell down some stairs, but I knew he got himself an old fashioned butt whooping. As he slowly walked up, put on some shades as he stepped outside, so went out my hope and I headed to my next class. Coming back to our math lesson, I had two eyes and the probability of getting a black eye was not zero anymore, with that I figured I might as well give up on the dream.
Life is indeed funny, got to class and this female decides to sit next to me. She was FINE in capital letters, kinda girl I would never dream on hitting on. Way out of my league. I felt like life was trying to rub it in. She looked divine, smelt heavenly, smiled like a dream and had a brother thinking about all sorts of things that you don’t generally think about in a calculus class. After class, she said hi to me and asked me if I wanted to go to lunch. I couldn’t believe it, I was on cloud nine. We headed to lunch, and she asked me about home, family and some very dumb ignorant questions that unfortunately all Africans get asked when they get here. Do you have cars? How did you get here? Do you live on trees? Do you get attacked by lions? I answered all these with a smile, and wondered to myself what did I ever do to get such an angel to talk to me? Anyway I milked the moment for all it was worth and I must have done something right because she gave me her number. I went home happy as a lark and prayed that my dream would go on tomorrow.
To cut a long story short, a couple of weeks later, I lost my American ‘virginity.’ I musta have done something right coz I got quite a few references. And any man will tell you that references are the best thing a girl could ever give you. Ladies value other ladies opinions and a good one certainly helps a brother a whole lot. Otherwise why would your man cheat on you with your best friend if all you ever said about him was negative? Food for thought!
That’s all for now folks and until next time these are just the ramblings of a student in a foreign land. Till next time…..