By Michael Ngigi
What are the biggest lies you can tell yourself [forever] in a relationship? I know if given a chance to list them, one could fill up a dozen toilet rolls with these hoaxes that we can’t seem to detach ourselves from. Before I deliver my thesis, a comprehensive disclaimer is key.
The opinions herein are based on things narrated to me and not experience. Some are also based on observation. I write this on behalf of a group of men and women who are looking for answers.
If you were struck by lightning while walking along street x on the same spot twice within one week, would you use that street again? What are the chances that you can be slapped by a mad man 5 times in the same market over a period of a week? Ok, let me move closer home. Banging your finger five times with a hammer while trying to drive in a nail should give you one clear message. STOP IT! You’re not cut out for this. Try something else! One could easily say, it’s common sense that such an unlucky person lacks. Well, it’s easier said than done.
Meet Shiku. At 21 years she looks a bit too mature for her age. Worry lines are beginning to show. In her eyes, a fire, slowly dying is evident. She is beautiful and homely. You know the kind of girl any man’s mother would wish for? She is a snob. The good kind. Many a man she has turned down because she is faithful to Mark, who happens to ‘love’ her very much [in her words]. They have been going out for three years now. She talks about him nonstop.
To the trained eye, too much flowery talk is an indicator of a huge underlying problem.
You see, Mark is violent. Hardly any argument in the last two years, has ended without a fight. Wrong word. A beating. Last Friday he assaulted Shiku, causing injury to her internal organs. She spent a night at the hospital on heavy pain killers and therapy. On Monday, he sent Shiku a bouquet of yellow flowers at her office with a note written “I’m sorry it’ll never happen again”. She read the note and cried. Her tears were not tears of pain. They were tears of love and joy.
She ‘knows’ that one day Mark will change. She knows he loves her and that it’s always her fault that she is beaten. She still lives with her parents. No wonder it is always a task lying to them where all those black eyes come from. Sad, is all I can say. Well she could survive a few more months till they get married, eye suppose.
In a place not far away from our ‘star’ couple. We meet another interesting couple. Justin and Maria. They are in love. They meet for coffee almost daily after work. During the day they send each other nice love notes on phone and internet. According to Justin, this is it. Lately, he has noticed a slight change in his girlfriend. She is too happy, too loving and a bit too caring. He likes it, but he doesn’t feel comfortable. He wants to raise the issue but is afraid it would lead to fight… and possibly a break up.
“I’ll give it more time” he says to himself. If he only knew…
Maria has been through this before. I mean, the love thing and everything that comes with it. She has a condition that is still yet to be documented in medical journals. She gets bored easily. She thinks highly of Justin. He seems a nice guy and is quite interesting too. However, there’s something missing. She can’t put a finger on it but she knows it exists.
Unknown to Justin, she also likes this other guy who we will name Jack (like in a porn movie hehe!). He is mysterious, exciting and fun to hang out with. She is undergoing a mixture of emotions that she can’t explain. You see three weeks ago, they [Maria and Jack] went for this friends’ reunion in Ngong and there happened to be lot of alcohol to be consumed. They got hopelessly wasted and ended up at his place. As nature would want it, they ended up in bed. The sex was great.
Now Maria feels terrible. Two weeks ago Jack called her up for a ‘hang out’ at the new club in Westlands. Again, they ended up at his place. She doesn’t know him well but can’t help falling for his magnetic effect. She knows Jack is not they serious type. So she feels guilty and ends up being overly nice to Justin. She hates the mess she’s in. She’s in some serious trouble. No, Justin is.
Enter Justin. By now he is sure something is up. He is a business man so he understands the law of mitigation. It is obvious that he is in a sinking ship. He has the option to cut his losses and run. He has been a player before so he knows the situation he’s in. He gave up that life because he had finally found rest in this amazing girlfriend of his. However, he chooses to wait for the worst to happen. He tries to convince himself that Maria is just undergoing some changes in her life and that she’ll come around soon.
“Things could change eye suppose” he mutters to himself as he smokes his joint in the toilet at his workplace.
It is obvious that over speeding is dangerous yet we do it. Women know a violent man even before they date him but they assume. Men know a wandering eye yet they propose to be there for her for life. All in all. I think human beings have got to be the most ignorant lot. We never learn. We could die holding on to that sinking ship all the while ignoring the buoy that constantly floats by. A race that embraces harm and hurt even though it lies inviting in plain sight. But we could live like this eye suppose.