See the World Through My Eyes

Posts tagged “God

Oh This Woman!

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I have always been a spoilt kid. Apart from reading me story books at bed time (oh yes she did until I was 10!) my mother has been the voice in my head all my life. Despite our ups and downs as a family, she has been our rock and the strong glue that holds us together. This woman happens to be a thousand years old in wisdom. She passes wisdom in a way that is funny, reflective and unimposing. I credit her for installing in us this ever present homing instinct that guides us back to consciousness every time we get caught up in life’s complexities. I’ve been in serious trouble a couple of times in my life and it is her words that brought me back. I have deep respect for all mothers and the role they take in shaping who we are. Everyday is Mothers Day.

On Humility
She said “My son, to work is worship God. Even the lowest of jobs has to be done by someone. You were born a prince but also a servant. Let no title be too big for you and let no humble task be too low for you to carry out because humility is an expression of confidence and gratefulness. A humble man is a powerful man. He can stand confidently before Kings and be trusted to lead by the poor”

On Love
She said “Love is first an attraction then a choice. If you find someone you truly love, hold on to them. Love is loyal despite betrayal. Love forgives despite hurt. When you love someone you stand by them unconditionally. Love is what you make it to be. You can be happy if you choose to be happy. You can never be sure of the character of a person you love as it takes time but in the meantime you can trust. But look for a person who loves God because only a person who loves God can truly love another human being. The rest are details. You will fight over the tooth paste tube and the socks you left at the door but you will never fall out of love.”

On Being a Man
She said “A man is only as good as his word. The character of a man is built of his action. A man never complains, he finds solutions. He takes care of those he loves and offers help to those in need. A man is honest and industrious. A man does not give up. A man is not scared to love and to say sorry. In the face of adversity, a man stands his ground. A real man knows that sometimes to win he has to lose. A man is the high priest of the house. A protector and warrior who lays down his life for his family.”

On Industry
She said “As long as you have breath and are of sound mind, God has given you everything you need to succeed. From the deepest holes on the ground come the rarest diamonds. Never work for profit because this type of gain does not last. Work to fulfill your purpose because real wealth comes as a by product of a passion fully lived. Do not spend your gains on eating like a King but spend them on the moments that count. After all they are the most eternal of all investments.”

On Sincerity
She said “To be sincere is to conquer yourself. To conquer yourself is to conquer the world. Know what you like and what you dislike. Know what you want and what you need. Know thyself. Be honest with yourself and you will know the reason why you are here. Be sincere with everyone especially the ones you love. Sincerity is the deepest and most profound expression of love.”

On Frugality
She said “ Son, the pain of work should be a reminder that nothing comes easy. Take care of the little you have. Water it and let it grow but most of all use it wisely. The bible says ‘A fool and his money are soon parted’. Thriftiness shows gratitude and it is the ultimate sign of responsibility. To be frugal is to be the master over money and not a slave to it. Before you spend, think. Do not spend your hard earned money to please others who add no value to your life. Every coin you spend should be an investment. Remember the story of the servants who were given talents?”

On Selflessness
She said “I would be sad if I heard that you did everything just so your own belly would be full. I would be ashamed to hear you saw suffering yet you turned a blind eye when you could have ended it. We are all here to take care of God’s Children. God gives you strength and wealth to take care of others. You my son are just a tool that He uses. You can never be too good to serve others. I love you but I would be proud to hear that you met your last day giving up your life so that another would live. After all, what is it in this world that I cannot give up for you?”

On Devotion
She said “ If I was laying on my death bed today waiting for my last breath, I would only have one instruction to give you. Love God and devote your life to Him and you will receive measure beyond your wildest dreams. It is only a fool that says God  does not exist. There are many questions that make you doubt if He is really there so devote your life to seeking Him. God is not on trial so as to be expected to prove His existence. Pay attention, look close and in your silence you will find Him. I have felt his presence and I have seen his work and I am still in awe of his greatness.

On Dreams
She said “In your time, life will be tough. Misery and hopelessness will be the order of the day. But you my children are special. You have the world under your feet. Write your dreams down and make it a prayer to God to bring them to life. God will grant you the desires of your heart but first you have to be clear of what you want. Dreams do not come to us by chance. They are the distant echo of destiny. It is sad for a man to die without fulfilling his purpose. Let your dreams be devoid of boundaries and let no one tell you that it can’t be done because it hasn’t been done before. Dreams become thoughts and thoughts become things.”

This woman is amazing. 

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Have You Found Yourself?

purpose One of the biggest challenges of our generation is knowing what our purpose is and how to achieve our dreams.

I’ve talked to many people but sadly most of them don’t seem to know their purpose and what they want from life. I too have struggled with this question all my life and I still am. I hate that it has become the monkey on my back and I hate that I have to wake up everyday to look for myself. I can’t concentrate at anything I do and I have turned into a hopeless scatter brain. I feel like time is running out and the prospect of growing old and miserable, haunted by dreams that never materialized scares me. It makes me go into panic; a miserable state that can be observed by looking at how many things I’ve tried in my life.

I have tried starting my own business more than once and I have tried going up the ladder in my career and still, there is this nagging feeling that I am just not where I want to be.

When I’m at work I find my mind wandering to distant places and I am fearful that maybe those places are where I should be instead. I observe other people and suddenly it looks like everyone is getting onto their path. They seem happy and everything they do looks deliberate and based on a well defined purpose.

So is it that I have failed in finding my path or am I expecting [unrealistically] too much from life? Do I have the wrong paradigm of how life works? Is my purpose locked in this ‘uneventful’ job that I don’t seem to give the appreciation it deserves? Am I part of those who will never amount to anything? Is that my destiny?

On the other hand I also see many people who are like me. People who don’t have a clear plan of what they would do if they won a million dollars today. People who procrastinate and are always anxious because they are not sure of the future. One day you are excited about this new idea you’re pursuing and the next day you’re not sure if it is what you want. Your life goes in phases that come and end as fast as a flame on a matchstick. First there is the ‘I need to buy land phase’, then comes the ‘I need to start saving phase’ and today you’re on the ‘I need to start a business’ phase and the cycle never ends.

I’ve heard people say that you are always in the path that God wants you to be but I am beginning to doubt that. Why? because if this is where He wanted me to be, why am I not happy? Why do I feel like I am in limbo?

I have seen many of our parents live their lives in simplicity and mediocrity; retiring at sixty five and immediately going into the last phase of life where they miserably wait for their sunset. Somehow it has always felt wrong because [I believe] life is not meant to be a mere existence and a process that is predictable as to how it ends. What happened to dreams? At what point do dreams die? Is it to late for my parents to start dreaming all over again? Why I’m I getting sucked into the same cycle of broken dreams and surrendering without a fight? Why is this the more comfortable path to follow?

I’ve had a good career so far; it would be ungrateful for me to ignore that. Learning new things has been the best part of it all. Being challenged to do the impossible has kept my adrenaline pumping and like a junkie, I want more. I want more because there is this strong unshakable urge inside me that tells me I have a higher purpose. Something I can write my name on. That THING that I can do for free and not worry where money will come from because it will be automatic. That purpose that will make my life count for something. I want to be remembered for something great!

I have looked for it everywhere and I am willing to do everything to know why I am here. Sometimes I wish God would use my friends, family or even a stranger to tell me what is it that I am good at so I can dive into it NOW. Or maybe that’s not the way He speaks, maybe it is. But at the end of the day I just want a nudge in the right direction. Or maybe I have already been nudged but was too distracted to feel it? Where is that ONE clear hint that will show me which door to knock? Or maybe a hint is not supposed to be clear after all?

Whatever and wherever my purpose is, I have decided I’d rather die trying to find it. I can no longer sail blind in this darkness. I need to find a beacon and I need to find it sooner than later. I hate losing sleep over things I can’t decipher. I hate to be a person who always changes his dreams because he doesn’t know where he is going. One thing I am sure though, is that I am here for a purpose. What it is, I don’t know. So I’m going to start my search and I will hunt down my purpose to the ends of the earth if need be.

Last week I decided I will put all my dreams on paper because I had a feeling they will lead me to my purpose. It was a challenging experience to decide on what I want for my future, but it’s a start. After pasting cut-out pictures of what I want in life on a white page, I am starting to have this strange experience that I like. For some reason, I feel like I am on to something good and long term.  For once I am pretty clear on my dreams and when I would want to achieve them. How I am going to achieve this is the billion dollar question. Whether this yields anything only time can tell, but I can’t shake off the conviction that this is probably what I should have done years ago.

You see when I was young, my mother taught me this trick and it got me my first car. She told me to write down what I wanted in future and keep it where I could see it every day. I bought a car a few days to my twenty fourth birthday -which is the date I had written down. When you are a child belief is raw and unadulterated, but as you grow older logic gnaws at your dreams and suddenly they become fantasies. I guess somewhere along the way I forgot the basics; that you have to visualize what you want because it’s the first sign that you can and will most likely get it.

It’s time I started all over again. After all, maybe life isn’t about finding yourself but creating yourself.

I’d like you to take a moment and ask yourself this simple question. Have I found myself?


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Too Late

toolateHe got out of the house and banged the door behind him in anger. He felt she didn’t know how much he had sacrificed only for her to repay him how she did. He felt the lump in his throat grow bigger and harder and he could not help but choke as tears forced their way out beneath his quivering brows. He felt bitter and he could feel the uncomfortable heat of rage churning his insides. How could she? The mother of his child and his only wife  that he had learned to love so much? She’d kept it from him all these years and now it made so much sense. He’d always wondered how it happened. No one seemed to know the details and no one seemed to care. He couldn’t bring himself to acknowledge that she was capable. This time he wouldn’t forgive her. How much more harm was she capable of? He knew this was the last straw. He walked in the rain for hours late into the night. In his hand was a bottle of whisky. The third one since he got out of the house. In his pocket were four pictures. A story of how he’d buried each of his children who’s lives were snuffed out at exactly six months of age. Strange but all the deaths were attributed to some vague ‘condition’ he still couldn’t understand. After 7 years she chose to tell him today. Her eyes were empty and she had this look that was scary and aloof. She did it. She’d pressed a pillow over their faces one by one. Their hands were to feeble to fight her off. The mother has power over her offspring. She feared that he’d stop loving her.

And as he staggered into his front door, there she was staring blankly into the white. At first he thought she was floating in the air in her murderous trance  but a flash of lighting revealed the rope behind her neck. He was too late. He knelt down as his knees gave way to a hopeless weakness. And at the far corner of the room, his son sat there playing happily with his toys oblivious of his dead mother’s dangling stunt.

Today is little Jonah’s graduation. Wait, he’s not little anymore. He’s graduating from one of the best universities in the world. As his name is read out, one can’t help wonder how hard the road has been for him. You see his father suffered a stroke just after his mother’s suicide. He suffered another stroke during Jonah’s last year in campus. Now he’s sitting at the front of the crowd where the disabled have been allocated spaces just below the dais. He can’t talk. He can only show his excitement by drooling some more. It’s been a tough 14 years for him and Jonah. It’s almost as if Jonah had understood their predicament all through the years for he worked really hard. Now he was top of his class. Little do they (father and son) know that that Jonah’s dad would die the week after the graduation; peacefully. This time, he wasn’t too late. At least he saw his son become something.

This short story is dedicated to a friend who I chose not to name. He happens to be one of the most successful young people of our time. It’s never too late to tell a story.


Growing a Pair

How do I even begin to tell you what’s in my head? Sometimes my mind takes these dangerous trips that can get quite unpleasant if not controlled. There are thoughts that would change my life dramatically if I were to action them. I’m talking about those instances when I’ve had an intense rush of emotion. Ok maybe emotion sounds a bit too sissy so let me use the word moods. For instance, when someone works you up enough to make your tempers go from zero to stone-angry in a flash, what goes through your mind? Do you feel like bashing their head in? How about farting in their face? Do you cry in complete helplessness? Road rage. Do you suffer from it? Do your ears get hot when an obviously stupid person mocks you on the road and ‘apologizes’ by sticking out their middle finger at you? I bet you’ve ever been stepped on while walking in the busy streets of downtown Nairobi. Did you head-butt the culprit? Did they even say sorry in the first place? Oh I know. You did nothing. You were too scared to share with your aggressor a piece of your mind. You kitten! Yes you. You are probably the world’s lamest pussy. You just walked away murmuring curses under your breath because you were too scared to do anything.

This post is for people like you. Too scared to express these God given urges. I say God given because you were created fearfully and wonderfully and definitely not fearful and always wondering what to do with your emotions. My point, try not to get angry if you really don’t have the balls to express and carry out what’s in your mind. I’m not saying that you need to employ violence in expressing yourself. All I’m saying is that to forgive and move on is the best way to deal with your morbid bursts of anger. That’s the best way to show off balls.

Anyway, all that has nothing to do with the kind of balls I want to talk about today. I’m talking about the balls you need to effectively deal with procrastination. We were created with dream and ambition inside. Have you ever noticed that children are never afraid of dreaming? We all wanted to be pilots, lawyers and doctors when we were growing up. One by one, we dropped out of the race when life got real. We then took up other dreams which we eventually swapped for ‘easier’ ones and now we’re stuck in this murk of a rat race and life is hard. All because we lacked the balls to grab our dreams by the horns. Yes my friend, horns and balls work hand in hand. I hope you have noticed that I placed the words ‘work’ and ‘hand’ together. Hard work will always have to be included if dreams are to come true. Even thieves work hard to plan a heist; who the hell do you think you are?

So anyway, the past is dead. What’re you doing at the moment? Are you stuck in a job you never dreamt of when you were a child? You’re just there for the money right? I get it! You’re just there for a while as you plan a way out. Are you stuck in a friendship or relationship that has never felt right? Do you hate waking up to the same thing for what seems like an eternity? Or maybe you’re still stuck in the mud hoping that one day things will change. Are you stuck in your past? Are your heydays holding you back? Do wish you’d just wake up to a different everything? We all know that may never happen unless you make that move.

I am a firm believer that we were all made for a purpose. We have been placed on this earth to do a job. No matter what you choose to do, the world will always take note and learn from your actions and inactions. All you have to do is decide what type of case study you want to be. There’s always something you can do to change your situation. What’s the use of whining about your bad job if you don’t have the balls to pull of a resignation? How the hell does it help to drool over a girl you always see on your way to work if you’re too scared to walk to her and say hi? Ambition is dead without action. Consequently, ambition and action have a shelf life. This means that you will always miss opportunities if you keep saying you’ll do it tomorrow.  Horns are just a costume if their bearer lacks the balls to take the first step.

Locked in every human being’s DNA is a map that details the path to your destiny. We all know people who’ve ended up hitting the jackpot out of the weirdest of jobs. You can be that person. I can be THAT person. I guess all we need to do is keep trying or at least prepare to die trying. Most often than not, heaven will always answer you immediately you learn the lessons you are supposed to learn. After all, what use is it to have great success yet be unable to contain it? You have come a long way and you have been to hell and back but it wasn’t all for nothing. You were learning the ropes. You were growing a pair.

Balls are selective. They only grow on those who make the choice. You have balls you have will. Having balls means you do what you have to TODAY. It should be noted that no one is born with balls. We all have to grow a pair.


Till Bed Do Us Part

Today’s publication is a sequel to The Bed which remains one of the most read articles in my blog’s short history. A big thank you to the reader that chose to ask my opinion on this issue. I won’t say your name.

I will tell you two storiess. The first is heart breaking while the second is just a natural case of happenstance. We spend a whole lifetime planning and painting fantastic imagery of our future but sometimes [if not always], fate has a different plan. Some call it Murphy’s law. I call it life. One will never be experienced in matters of the heart. The script changes constantly and heartbreak is the constant threat that always lingers in the dark episodes of our existence.

My friend Lilly got married at 25 on a sunny friday morning. It had just rained the previous week and the landscape everywhere looked beautiful and colorful. Her parents were very happy and proud. By then, it was an open secret that Lilly had fought the ‘good fight’ and was now being betrothed a pure and virgin bride. To cap it all off, Sam, her boyfriend of 5 years was also ‘pure’ and free of scandal. If this marriage was a garment, the tag must have read MADE IN HEAVEN on the collar.

You see, they’d both met at church and had similar tastes in almost everything. They both believed in the sanctity of a romantic relationship. They had made a covenant with God, their parents and themselves never to engage in sex before marriage. On this morning of their wedding day, tears rolled down the cheeks of almost all that were present at the plush, well manicured gardens. It was a sweet union. When the minister pronounced them man and wife, they kissed romantically and it was evident they had ran out of breath in the tight grip their love, diligently earned. And as the young maids showered confetti and rice on the love birds, the young ladies present at the wedding fell into a swoon and could not hide their envy. It was beautiful.

It’s been 6 months now and Lilly is crying in the kitchen while making dinner. On the kitchen table lies the lovely red roses that Sam sent to her office earlier during the day. She’s crying because she doesn’t know what to do. Sam has always been a good man. He makes her feel special and Lilly is sure he loves her. But this is not the reason why she is crying. She is sad. There is something about Sam that she can’t get out of her chest. Since they got married, they’ve only had sex 3 times and they both hated it. It was short, painful and devoid of all emotion that should ideally come with making love. Sam preferred to turn of the lights while they were at it and cautioned her against making any noises. Needless to say, the sex was over in the blink of an eye and he was snoring at the far end of the bed in no time. He seemed not interested in making love and this made Lilly feel inadequate and worthless. In the morning’s after, he wouldn’t touch her or kiss her good morning and was out of the house before first light. It felt like she disgusted him after sex.

She feels wasted for all those years she kept herself pure for marriage. According to Sam, sex ‘is not everything’. He prefers to cuddle and watch a movie over a nice meal. What I’m trying to say is, Sam has never had a chance to ‘practice’ and is therefore not confident with himself. He is a proud man and will not pause at the possibility of learning the art of making love. What a classic case of marriage made in heaven and a bed made at the carpenter’s. For now,  Lilly is holding on.

“It’s only been 6 months” she consoles herself. She shudders at the thought of living like this for a lifetime. Meanwhile, onlookers look at Lilly and Sam with envy wishing they too, had a marriage as blissful as this one. They look so cute together! MADE IN HEAVEN.

Meanwhile in downtown Nairobi,there’s a couple fighting at the bus stop. It’s Sharon and George. They call each other names and cuss loudly and in a short while, they are arrested by city council askaris and bundled in a waiting ‘cage van’. They’re charged with disturbing public order and fined a hefty amount each. After working together to contribute the sum, they’re let out in an hour. Once out, they kiss and make up and are laughing in no time. It’s been 10 years on and off in their  relationship so they’re used to this. Marriage is an issue that none of them wishes to discuss. They both believe that once they get married, the fights will get worse and they might end up splitting for good. In their opinion, marriage just complicates things.

Sharon and George have a great sex life. They both love exploring and learning new stuff. Weather in public or private, they show their affection fearlessly and passionately. They’re also addicted to what the new world calls ‘make up sex’. So most of their fights have a happy ending and are therefore petty. They play and live as if it’s always their last day alive.  At the bus stop, they were fighting because a pretty girl had said hi to George and Sharon had a hunch that the two had slept together before. Women can tell these things you know. Other than these ‘small’ misunderstandings every now and then, Sharon and George are generally a happy couple. They could live on sex alone, or so it seems. Each one of them has tried a different dish on several occasions but it seems this one still suffices at the end of the day. A wedding can wait. For now, they can love freely and work on their ‘imperfect’ relationship learning and changing. In the meantime,  the bed is the least of their worries. They’re doing just fine.

These two cases are just a a few that caught my eye. I have also seen many instances where both approaches have worked and the couples have enjoyed long healthy relationships. Most of us have been brought up on rules based on morality and religion but somewhere along the way, we get to realize life is real and very practical.

And finally, there are two people somewhere in the world who feel it is time to make a bold move. Be careful what you wish for. Everything has a price. One big question though; will you shop around and test before you buy or will you buy first and test when you get home? In both cases, the shop DOES not accept returns for goods once sold. Both scenarios have advantages and disadvantages but most of all, they are real. For once I hope you will not base your decision solely on religion or hearsay. For this one, just do you. And as for the guardians of religion and doctrine, maybe it is time you engaged your flock in discussion and reason. I believe more lives can be changed positively this way.

Let it be known that there’s definitely more to a relationship than just sex. There is love, work, money and family to consider too. However I chose to talk about sex because it’s what no one wants to talk about in honesty.

Remember, as you make your bed, so you must lie in it.

Happy Valentine’s Day.


Beware of who you marry….

The first time I met Maurice Matheka I couldn’t help noticing how easily he handled women. He’s one guy who always fascinates me in the way he understands the female psyche. He simply knows what women want. So when time comes for you to have a bridal shower just make sure you call this guy. Trust me. Not that I’ve been to a bridal shower but as a guy, I’ve learnt quite a bit from this brother. Go on, have a read and prove me wrong. I dare you. I think he is one brilliant orator and I hope that one day, I will be great enough to share a stage with him. To my readers, happy year one from A Day in Dog’s Life™. Leggo! – Michael Ngigi, A Day in a Dog’s life™

•••

By Maurice Matheka

Dear Maurice,

Where do I begin?

I am a wife and a mother of 5 children, my youngest is 14 years old. I was married at 22 and have been married for 28 years now. In those 28 years I have been through thick and thin with my husband regardless of what he throws at me I have stood by his side not because of the children but because I married for life, I am a big believer in till death do us part and will stick with it as I am not about to break my vows. Now in regards to my husband he has always been a traditionalist and that is something I have had to adapt to but it was not easy especially during our first 4 years of marriage.

When we met I was a very out going woman with plenty of friends and hobbies, needless to say he stripped me of those pleasures of life. He is a loving man who provides for his family and when it suits him he will treat me like the most special woman but unfortunately that is where the good side ends.  On our fourth year of marriage I came to find that he had an affair with my neighbour’s house help and got her pregnant. She was fired from her work and my husband did his part and decided to support the baby, which he still continues to do to date. I was upset as you can imagine and hated him for a while. I moved out to my friend’s place for 5 weeks but I later forgave him for his adulterous actions. Another part of the saga that annoyed me was that he defended his actions stating that in his culture he is allowed to have multiple wives and that I should not fuss about it because I would always be his first wife. Maurice I painfully took his words and despite the hurt I was determined to maintain my family no matter what.

Maurice asks,

It’s probably an obvious question but did you by any chance identify the kind of man you were dating before you married him; did you sense his traditionalist character?

She replied,

Yes I knew the kind of man he was and still is. I knew about his believes in regards to the family unit. I knew that his extended family led a certain life style where men married more than one wife so in a way I knew it may affect me however I also thought that he would discuss it with me and not impregnate a house help behind my back. I am very well aware that men who practice polygamy will always consult with their existing wife or wives before they introduce another woman to the family I never got that memo. Living with my husband has been an experience and I have learnt a lot about male unorthodox practices and behaviours.

Maurice’s comments,

You have been married long enough to assess your man and you have clearly accepted his character and the actions that come with that character, you also imply you know men pretty well, so at this point I must admit I am puzzled because I haven’t determined what it is you need from me?

She replied,

Maurice to my horror I recently found out from my husband’s close friend that he has 2 more children with the house help. I then visited her at her upcountry home and she confirmed the same. He built her a 3 bedroom house and apparently over the years he has been visiting her and spending weekends with her. In my mind it all added up because I prodded information from her about dates and she confirmed a lot. He supports her and guess what? His family knew about it, and behind my back she was traditionally confirmed as a second wife and life went on as if I never existed.

But here is the icing on the cake. While we were candidly chatting she happened to mention that in 2008 my husband acquired himself a young 19 year old girl from his home area and she has a 2 year old baby. It is alleged that he is in the process of confirming her. She is currently living with her parents but from what I hear he has received blessings to marry her and educate her through her campus years.

Maurice asks,

I must ask, is your husband wealthy? I mean, in this day and age it’s not easy to keep 3 wives.

She replied,

Well the man has a full time job as a company MD and 2 personal businesses so I guess he can afford the life style he chooses to live. I am a house wife but I also run a successful business which was funded by my husband over a decade ago.

I am lacking companionship, a loving full time husband, a man who only wants to be with me because I never thought I would share my man yet I am doing it everyday.

Maurice asks,

Do you really truly still love your husband or are you there because it’s an easier option to maintain status quo, the devil you know syndrome?

She replied,

Maurice I love that man. Whenever he comes home he finds a cooked meal waiting and I still share a bed with him and we still share intimate moments. During that period I shut out all other thoughts and enjoy every minute spent with him. I know I sound odd but love is a powerful feeling and I can’t ever leave him despite all the things he has put me through.

I want to tell him that I know about his other women and that I don’t care about that part of his life but he now needs to only provide for them and become exclusive to me. I need to feel like the woman he married. I am a very balanced and practical woman I cannot change what has occurred but I would like to believe that I have a future with my husband exclusively. I still have a lot of love and passion for him, so how can I convert him for him to see that I am all he needs in a woman?

Maurice replies,

My dear I would love to tell you that your current irregular relationship status will change in time but let’s review the facts. You have been married for a long time and from the beginning you knew the character you were marrying. Playing the supportive wife you allowed for things to escalate over the years. Your husband got another woman pregnant early in your marriage and in my opinion I believe there was never an honest heart to heart between you to share and establish a foundation of honesty and trust that would limit a repeat occurrence hence the additional kids with his first mistress, if I may call her that, and now there’s a third woman with child.

I believe that your husband suffers from a kind of narcissistic personality disorder. Let me shed some light to this behavior; your husband has worked hard to acquire not only a top management post but also 2 businesses. He craves ‘prestige’ and his wealth gives him that. He also craves to feel like a man which comes in many forms, in his case he has ‘power’ as a boss and he maintains 3 women and unlike the common trend in many men he makes sure that all his women are well catered for. And that he does not do out of the goodness of his loving heart, some may disagree but that’s my opinion. He may be the most loving man on the planet but his compulsive nature drives him to believe that he can love many women. My last hypothesis is that your husband at some stage of his life may have experienced a state of feeling inadequate and formulated a strategy to work hard, acquire what he needed to feel that he has conquered the World and you have been part of that development.

You can try and convert him as you put it, but I don’t see that path bearing any fruit. Your only viable option is to sustain the life you have led with your husband, cherish those moments you described and endeavor to make them as regular as possible. You have chosen to stay with him so as a practical woman it’s now your turn to strategize on ways of keeping your husband occupied.

Follow his blog on http://mauricetherapy.wordpress.com


‘How to Pray’ for Dummies

Have you ever lost your Debit Card to an ATM? You typed in your password and seemingly followed instructions to the letter and still the greedy machine swallowed it all without even producing the money you requested? I know you cursed the bank, the machine, the bank CEO and most of all yourself. You cursed yourself because for some reason, you think you should have guessed it would happen. And from that moment, everything that day went downhill despite hoping that it would only get better. You tripped and fell on a flat pavement at lunch time. You stood up brushed the dirt off your shirt and said another silent prayer for the rest of the day. This time, angrily. Only kids are supposed to fall on flat surfaces! In the elevator, you involuntarily farted. That’s it! #DEAD

We pray for different reasons. Mostly, we pray to ask for help. It’s a human thing. We could be different in the sense of what we believe in, who or what we pray to but in the end, we seek to be answered in one way or another. And when our prayers don’t get answered, our faith is shaken. When this happens over a long period of time, we lose our faith. When we lose our faith, we lose our spirit [The little silent voice within us that tells us where we came from and our destiny]. We become animals.

On the other hand when our prayers are answered, our belief is strengthened. Our hope is renewed. We become thankful and want to spread the word so that others might experience what we are experiencing. We start believing in things unseen. Impossibilities turn into possibilities. What I know for sure is that there are many people who believe but very few can show the positive results of their beliefs. So could it be that we don’t know how to pray?

By now you’re asking what qualifications I have to teach people on how to pray. I have none. When was the last time I went to church? Let’s see… maybe 3 months ago, maybe more. I am not special in any way and I feel sad every time I think of the things God has done for me versus what I have done for him. I’m a ‘work’ in progress. I am thankful for the many things that I have experienced through prayer. I’ll share my secrets with you. This is not a lecture and I will say again that I have no qualification whatsoever. The only thing backing me up is, what prayer has done for me. I am a blessed man I tell you. Everything I’ve ever prayed for I have received. And for the few things I am yet to receive, I am gladly waiting for. If ever I fail to receive one of the things on my list, I know it will be for a reason. A bigger plan and purpose. I feel strongly that by reading my findings you will be enlightened. You could be a preacher or even the worst villain, it’s all the same. Praying is talking to God and as with any conversation, there are ground rules. Pay attention because I will tell you just one of the rules that I think is the most important. Important because it determines the outcome. There could be other rules but this one is essential. Walk with me.

God does not owe you anything. You heard me right. He doesn’t. That’s the main thing that you need to understand because I am pretty sure you know it already. Just because you prayed for a car doesn’t mean you’ll get it. Just because you wish your oppressive boss would die doesn’t mean it will happen. If that were the case, there would be no war, hunger or even starvation. The world would be a better place just based on the fact that there are more good people than there are bad people, I believe. You on the other hand are alive because God wills it. You owe God everything. When you pray, you should humble yourself and be ready to accept the answer God will give you. Why? It is for your own good.So God will definitely give you an answer. It just depends on how you choose to receive it.

So how then do you interpret the outcome of your prayers? I will give some practical and familiar examples. Would you give an infant a razor blade just because they cried for it? Would you skip immunizing your child just because injections hurt? Why not? It’s sad to see a baby cry in all it’s innocence. In the same breath, it feels good to be able to provide your child with all it wants. Anything that will make it happy. Clearly, if you listened to the desires of the child you would end up killing its fragile life for giving, or failing to give for the wrong reason. One more question. how then do you explain to a baby who still speaks goo goo gah gah why you had to treat it the way you did? So there you have it. When you pray, understand that God will answer according to his WILL. Not yours. He alone knows the master plan because He made it. So if you prayed with an honest heart and didn’t get exactly what you wanted just know that THAT is still an answer. On the other hand if you got what you wanted after praying, always remember to give thanks because you are still in God’s plan. This realization has been my motivation. That is why I can confidently say, ALL my prayers have been, are and will ALWAYS be answered.

It’s sad that in our time we’ve had people promising you returns if they pray for you. Some even pay in exchange for prayers. They say plant a seed by sending money and reap the benefits. I don’t dispute any concept but at the end of the day, everything depends on God’s will. What God gives, he gives for free.

Next time, I will give you the anatomy of a prayer according to my findings. Ofcourse it will depend on how well this article is received. I could be wrong. Write  to me and tell me what you think.

Dedicated to the one person who in my blog poll, said that God does not exist. Just pray that you’re right.


Science And Faith – How To Walk On Water

When I was in class one, my teacher noticed I had a passion for arts and so she made it her mission to help me develop my talent. She would always provide me with extra crayons and additional drawing paper. All this, because I painted her a picture of what I thought was her family. Perfect and balanced. I remember her reaction when I presented her the painting. She cried helplessly, hugged me and soaked me in her tears. I was too young to understand what her tears meant so I cried with her too. I was later to learn that she had lost her family in a car crash. From that moment, we became best friends. She even offered to teach me how to count as I had difficulty in math. She liked me. During the morning breaks, she and I would go and sit on the grass at the far end of the field and I would catch grasshoppers for her. I wanted her to smile but she wouldn’t. She was a sad creature.

One day after learning of the fate of her family, I painted another picture of her family. This time, I painted her departed husband and two kids were on the top of my composition with smiles on their faces. At the bottom of the painting I had drawn my teacher smiling and looking up at her family. I used yellow for most of the painting. This also happened to be the first thing she noticed when I presented it to her. I explained that the yellow stood for God, and that he was always watching over her. I also told that her family was safe in his hands. There were tears in her eyes when she told me that she didn’t believe in God. For a young child brought up in a christian family, her statement threw me into personal melee and finally a quest for the existence of God. It was the saddest thing to know that my teacher died a few years later in 1997. It was even more sad to learn that she died having not believed in the existence of a higher power.

When I was twelve, I read the bible from beginning to the end. I wanted to find out why people believed in christianity. It was a tough time as my uncle and his wife had just lost their three month old baby. Naturally, some people wanted answers, others wanted understanding. For me, there was one big question. Where was God when the poor child was sick? Why would he give us a ‘gift’ only to take it away before its time? It just didn’t make sense.  I was looking for answers in the bible in the hope that I would get an enlightenment or at least an understanding. I could not bring myself to believe how God formed the universe from nothing. There was a tempest in my heart between logic and faith.  In a strange way, I could now understand why my teacher did not believe in God. It was scary to harbor such thoughts in my young mind. But sometimes, the answers come when one is in the eye of a storm because after my long search, I finally got home. I believe strongly that God exists. Trash everything else. That we evolved from apes is complete rubbish. How else can the evolutionists explain why the apes are still there? As one blogger put it, it’s like saying a chair will one day evolve into a table.

You see the terms faith and logic are relative; depending on how you understand them. Personally I believe that faith is observed and experienced by signs. Affection is not affection unless it is expressed in signs. How else do you know that someone loves or hates you? Is love something you can touch? Is hate an object you can take hold of and bury in the sand? Why then do you doubt the existence of God just because you cannot see him?

Likewise, science also derives its basis on signs. Smoke is the signal of a fire.  The mood, cognition and voluntary movement in a  human being are explained by the presence of dopamine (a neurotransmitter) that the brain is able to produce. So can we safely agree that science and religion are based on signs? Well scientists would definitely not agree to this co-relation. Fair enough. I wonder what they have to say about this thing called gravity. How is it formed? Where does it come from? Clearly, all a scientist can do is try explain the signs of God’s work. It then becomes useless to explain the inside of an egg without first trying to find out where the hen came from. Get it? At the end of the day there is no evidence needed to bring forth faith. Just signs.

‘Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.  This is what the ancients were commended for. By faith we understand that the universe was formed at God’s command, so that what is seen was not made out of what was visible. ‘ Hebrews 11:1-3

In my article Dreams, I gave the example of Jesus‘ Walk On Water. I have come to call this wonderful event WOW- Walked On Water. Of course scientists will always try to refute this fact but I on the other hand, have experienced more WOW moments than I can count. My prayers have always been answered. I have seen the signs of God’s goodness that I can’t ignore. I have done bad things in the past but I now enjoy  the mercies and grace of a forgiven man. You see the same author of my faith is the same One who created science. So when science fails to explain an occurrence, I cannot assume that it doesn’t exist.

Sometimes all we need to do is close our eyes and experience the connection. You know that feeling in your heart that tells you, that you are not here by chance?

***

These are just random thoughts of a man looking to find his way. The journey is long and it’s just beginning. Maybe next time I will tell you what else I have discovered. I dedicate this to my mother who has been the best teacher when it comes to explaining the intangible.


It’s Never That Serious… Really?

Today’s blogger happens to be one of my best friends who I am always thankful to have met. Meet Linda Muriungi. I have seen her go through the most crucial of life’s stages. She is one of the people I would unflinchingly lay my life down for. She is family. Recently she went through a life threatening situation where she found herself bed-ridden and unconscious. In the darkness that engulfed her, she found her true self. She has a lot to be thankful for and in this post she reminds us that there are more important issues to pay attention to. I’m glad you’re back. This is what she had to say when she came to.

By Linda Muriungi

They say the best therapy for the soul is to put your thoughts on paper, so today I take this chance to bare my soul. Just for the simple reason of stirring a sense of faith in myself and others. To believe that everything always happens for a reason. To accept that the experiences we go through are meant to challenge us and afford us an opportunity to learn something novel and life altering.

So as I sit here today wondering where to begin with my tale or rather true life experience, my pen comes to life.

As the year began on a good note for some, mine took a turn for the worst. What I went through was one of those things that happen in a split second, that turn your life into a midst of uncertainty and turmoil.  How to deal with it and its effects is the test. This incident made me look at myself with a keen eye and it is with coming face to face with such a life altering event that one learns to appreciate life in totality.

You see the worst thing about the ordeal, was that I never saw it coming. I went about my normal life yet the clock was counting down to that fateful day. And thereafter, my wall came crashing down. I wondered, why me? Why now! Was this part of God’s plan? Then again, I worried about how soon I would get back up.

Good news, I made it. Two months down the line and have never been more true to myself as I am now. How you may ask? It simply took the willpower to make my situation better, faith in my Father (God) who at some point I had almost given up on, and the presence of my family & friends who all stood by me every step of the way.  You see, to get better in whatever situation; you need lots of laughter, stress relievers and hope.  Figure out what you want to achieve and work towards achieving that goal. It is all about determination which gives one the strength to continue, the steadiness to succeed, and the wisdom to slip past difficulties undisturbed.

All I needed was some sort of assurance that it would be okay. And it now is.

The trick to handling such experiences, and trust me I know how tough it is to keep on keeping on, to smile at the world and yet you are dying inside, is to simply; stay positive (encourage yourself with simple phrases, they will mean a lot to you despite the simplicity in the words) maintain good friendships (keep positive people around you), keep  your family close (they got this uncanny way of loving and caring for you when you need it the most) and lastly pray until something happens, as the track for Kanji Mbugua goes… P.U.S.H ON (Somehow I have never been this close to God, He’s kept me sane in a time of chaos)

Now it’s time for me to live my life, smile as I face the world with my head held up as I tackle the everyday challenges. I will try to take each experience positively and see it as an opportunity to be a stronger and better person. The thing is, it’s life & it happens. The point is to never let anything take your spirit, we are all one slight adjustment from making our lives work for the better.


Things We Never Say Part III


‘As I read ‘Things We Never Say‘ by Ahenda and Michael, I got thinking and reflecting… You know how some chiqs try to force into a man’s heart and world even when they know it will be a futile battle. She knows he is drowning in another chiq’s love…but she won’t quit. Some are prudent and recognize it…They then concede. Thanx Mike for another opportunity..and to Ahenda, my childhood pal for helping unblock the writer’s block I was facing…’
Liz Lenjo

Dear Michael,
Remember me? We met after your huge break up with your ex-girlfriend…What was her name? Ahaaa…Ahenda it is. I remember how we met: the little kahawa shop just by your office. You were starring at her picture. You looked so lost, drowning in the memory of her.

“He is so cute!” I thought to myself. That is why I sat next to you. I could see the hurt, the confusion and the sadness in how you would hold your cup of coffee; staring at it as though wishing it was beer. I knew I had a soul to rescue…a heart to save. Perhaps to save and have it for keeps. Hopefully change my ever bad luck with men.

You said hi back at me…and you did not find my obvious stares rude. I had to ask what was bugging you. And you opened up. In your voice I could feel your admiration and adoration for your lost love. A soul mate you called her. You were not certain why the two of you ended but you felt it was right. You kept trying to convince yourself that you would get over her and move on. Move on to another love with sparks as hot and cosmic as the previous.

I thought I was going to be IT-The answer to your heart ache, and the plaster to your heart break. It was an exercise in futility, but nonetheless, I had to give it a shot. You were my soldier, wounded in the cruel war…war of love. I hoped I was going to be the nurse…the nurse that puts you back together and wins you over. I wanted to be your knight and shining armour.

I wanted so bad to believe that you would like me…all the while, you were looking for the Ahenda in me. I could see it in your wishful eyes. You once asked me why I never loosened up and hang around in my undies…I was shy! I had tough shoes to fill, and I couldn’t be her. You cannot deny it Michael, you wished I were her. And now as I read your letters to her, I know I was fighting a losing battle. But I could not resist…Your charm, your smile…your finesse! I saw what Ahenda saw in you. But you could not see me for me…you were blinded. Blinded by a passion so strong and a bond so tight…sealed by destiny. Fate did not have it in store for a possible you and me…sigh!

I was surprised you had me around for so long…I knew I was fooling myself. But the desire to have you love me and want me like you constantly did her got the best of me. I was warned but I did not listen. Two years Mike!? What took you so long? What took me so long? I guess you were smutten…smitten…arrgggh! What is it about her? Now just after two months since we broke up, you are marrying her? Worst still, on the day of our ‘anniversary’? The first day I laid my eyes on you at the little kahawa shop by your office.

I should have just walked away…But then again, I concede. I raise my hat to the queen that captured your heart so…and dominated your entirety. May be I will be lucky someday to be an Ahenda to another lad…Only difference I will be an Elizabeth…Me!

Like Queen Elizabeth II remains in the English throne, he will be my dynasty…sans threats, sans insecurity.

My hat off to Ahenda…I concede. Love him like he loves you. Adore him like he adores you. I couldn’t steal his heart: It belonged to you in the first place! He is yours FOREVER.

I must confess I was sad when we finished the sequel for ‘Things We Never Say‘. The response from my readers was overwhelming! Almost all wanted the third issue. Well, the beautiful Liz Lenjo has saved the day. She has added an interesting angle to the whole saga. These are the things we go through in our lives. Liz Lenjo‘s words are powerful and sensual. She is a lawyer. I can’t help smiling when I try to imagine how she would present a case in court. Just don’t dare go up against her.
– Michael Ngigi