See the World Through My Eyes

Posts tagged “Psychology

Growing a Pair

How do I even begin to tell you what’s in my head? Sometimes my mind takes these dangerous trips that can get quite unpleasant if not controlled. There are thoughts that would change my life dramatically if I were to action them. I’m talking about those instances when I’ve had an intense rush of emotion. Ok maybe emotion sounds a bit too sissy so let me use the word moods. For instance, when someone works you up enough to make your tempers go from zero to stone-angry in a flash, what goes through your mind? Do you feel like bashing their head in? How about farting in their face? Do you cry in complete helplessness? Road rage. Do you suffer from it? Do your ears get hot when an obviously stupid person mocks you on the road and ‘apologizes’ by sticking out their middle finger at you? I bet you’ve ever been stepped on while walking in the busy streets of downtown Nairobi. Did you head-butt the culprit? Did they even say sorry in the first place? Oh I know. You did nothing. You were too scared to share with your aggressor a piece of your mind. You kitten! Yes you. You are probably the world’s lamest pussy. You just walked away murmuring curses under your breath because you were too scared to do anything.

This post is for people like you. Too scared to express these God given urges. I say God given because you were created fearfully and wonderfully and definitely not fearful and always wondering what to do with your emotions. My point, try not to get angry if you really don’t have the balls to express and carry out what’s in your mind. I’m not saying that you need to employ violence in expressing yourself. All I’m saying is that to forgive and move on is the best way to deal with your morbid bursts of anger. That’s the best way to show off balls.

Anyway, all that has nothing to do with the kind of balls I want to talk about today. I’m talking about the balls you need to effectively deal with procrastination. We were created with dream and ambition inside. Have you ever noticed that children are never afraid of dreaming? We all wanted to be pilots, lawyers and doctors when we were growing up. One by one, we dropped out of the race when life got real. We then took up other dreams which we eventually swapped for ‘easier’ ones and now we’re stuck in this murk of a rat race and life is hard. All because we lacked the balls to grab our dreams by the horns. Yes my friend, horns and balls work hand in hand. I hope you have noticed that I placed the words ‘work’ and ‘hand’ together. Hard work will always have to be included if dreams are to come true. Even thieves work hard to plan a heist; who the hell do you think you are?

So anyway, the past is dead. What’re you doing at the moment? Are you stuck in a job you never dreamt of when you were a child? You’re just there for the money right? I get it! You’re just there for a while as you plan a way out. Are you stuck in a friendship or relationship that has never felt right? Do you hate waking up to the same thing for what seems like an eternity? Or maybe you’re still stuck in the mud hoping that one day things will change. Are you stuck in your past? Are your heydays holding you back? Do wish you’d just wake up to a different everything? We all know that may never happen unless you make that move.

I am a firm believer that we were all made for a purpose. We have been placed on this earth to do a job. No matter what you choose to do, the world will always take note and learn from your actions and inactions. All you have to do is decide what type of case study you want to be. There’s always something you can do to change your situation. What’s the use of whining about your bad job if you don’t have the balls to pull of a resignation? How the hell does it help to drool over a girl you always see on your way to work if you’re too scared to walk to her and say hi? Ambition is dead without action. Consequently, ambition and action have a shelf life. This means that you will always miss opportunities if you keep saying you’ll do it tomorrow.  Horns are just a costume if their bearer lacks the balls to take the first step.

Locked in every human being’s DNA is a map that details the path to your destiny. We all know people who’ve ended up hitting the jackpot out of the weirdest of jobs. You can be that person. I can be THAT person. I guess all we need to do is keep trying or at least prepare to die trying. Most often than not, heaven will always answer you immediately you learn the lessons you are supposed to learn. After all, what use is it to have great success yet be unable to contain it? You have come a long way and you have been to hell and back but it wasn’t all for nothing. You were learning the ropes. You were growing a pair.

Balls are selective. They only grow on those who make the choice. You have balls you have will. Having balls means you do what you have to TODAY. It should be noted that no one is born with balls. We all have to grow a pair.

El Fuego

My father always told me that one can weigh the heart of another person just by looking into their eyes. ‘Eyes are a window to a person’s true character and nature.’ he would often say.

He would give me the example of a con-man.  “Have you ever noticed that they (con-men) rarely make a mistake in selecting their victims?” he would ask. “They look into people’s eyes, and from what they see they make out what type of person the victim is.” Surprisingly, they are rarely wrong.

I always wondered how they know that a person is carrying something valuable. It was like they had x-ray vision. And how they knew what exactly to say in order to trick someone always intrigued me. How could the eyes hold so much about a person? What exactly would you be looking for if you were searching for answers in a person’s eyes?

My father called that ‘thing’ in a person’s eyes, The Fire.

As I grew up, I began to understand what he meant.

You see when I was growing up, I had a problem with my eyes. I had a rare allergy and an additional condition that I never got to know what it was. My eyes were constantly itching and red. I would shed tears whenever a draught passed between my eyelids. I was constantly wiping my tears with my hands. When I was nine, I started having unexplained episodes of blindness. It was hard to explain to my parents what I was going through. It felt like my eyes had fish scales. I was constantly afraid.

As I grew, the allergy slowly died out and the ‘episodes’ disappeared. Something wonderful happened to me that I still can’t explain to this day. I started seeing colors getting brighter and objects got clearer and nearer. In fact, I think my eyesight is above average. I see more colors that recorded in a color chart. I think I  have synesthesia [Writer’s note: I hear colors and see sound]. I have also started noticing other people’s eyes. I’ve learnt how to read them and talk through mine. My father was right after all.

I believe one can tell the intentions of another just by connecting with their eyes. Eyes are honest and true. In them, you can see hate, love, spite, malice, happiness and sorrow. Eyes say the things the mouth won’t say. They scream out the fears the heart won’t admit. In a fight, the winning dog is the one whose eyes are completely devoid of fear. The most sincere apology is one that is expressed face to face; eye to eye. Love begets appreciation by sight. Beauty is priceless just by sight. By sight, we are able to tell relationships worth fighting for and those that require letting go.Sight etches memory and evokes feelings.

However, sight alone breeds no answers. Sight must be combined with perception. With sight, you can see a bare electrical wire. With sight and perception, you can understand the danger this bare wire posses. You react accordingly and in the end your decision saves your life.

When I look into my father’s eyes, I see pride and respect. In my mother’s eyes I see hope and understanding. In my best friend’s eyes I see, unconditional friendship. I see an unwavering ‘to the death’ attitude and I know me and mine are safe and looked after.

How about this beautiful eyed woman that has taken over me? In her eyes I see life, love, virtue and something else I can’t quite tell. I’m working on it. It is a mystery. I hope it’s something nice.

The one thing present in all these eyes is the fire. It is the energy that every eye generates. The strength of a character is determined by the intensity of the fire in a person’s eyes. It doesn’t matter if a person is young or old.

When you look in those eyes, what do you see?