Just as a drop of blood in the ocean attracts a frenzy of sharks from miles away, there are certain types of man that are very magnetic to women. For the man who wishes to know how he can raise his profile, I’d suggest you read this and share it as wide as possible. To my sisters, I will try as much as possible to steer clear of hurting your feelings as I explain my view. Discussion like these usually end in a stalemate. But first, a disclaimer is necessary. I have no moral or technical authority to advise on relationships. I have come to acknowledge that the whole relationship affair is a complex algebra that we never really get to solve. It’s funny how many people are hiding in the comfort of what has come to be the biggest façade of all time. Most men are getting a raw deal when it comes to relationships. I will therefore speak solely on behalf of the boy child. I will tell you why the modern man is in trouble. I will do so by talking about every type of man I know. So back to my topic. The men that attract; blood in the water.
The good man
He is good natured and always has good intentions in everything he does. He is the guy that opens the door for you and brings you breakfast in bed DAILY. He never forgets your birthday and every other anniversary as long as it means something to you. He listens to you and never gets tired of putting up with your flat jokes. He doesn’t mind kissing you even when your mouth is filled with the ‘ass smelling’ mixture of bread and tea. He asks you for permission whenever he has to pee or poop. What do you know! He has your picture in his wallet and office desk. He listens to mushy music and is very in touch with his emotions. This man lacks an aggressive bone in his being and seems to be liked by everyone. He is focused on you and you are sure he will never play you. Those lovely romantic texts in the middle of the day are just SO HIM. Your friends are envious of you and your puppy.
To the ladies: If you have this type of man, hold on to him tightly because he is a fast declining species. He is going to be very good for you when you are past your mid ages [if you get what I mean]. He bottles up emotions and gets very bitter when he is betrayed. He is the most likely to turn into a bad man when his options run out. If you want to protect your sisters in future, don’t mess with this man now.
To the men: If you are this type of man, I have a mixture of admiration and worry for you. You see as much as women claim to prefer your type, they really would prefer the opposite. Correct me if I’m wrong but how many have let you down? The last one cheated on you right? The world spits on the good man. They want excitement and the drama that comes as bad boys. Women are addicted to turbulence and for some reason, they seem to like it when the boat is on the rocks. One word. Thrill. You don’t have it good boy and that will be your downfall.
The rich man
Like black oil, he is rich, attractive and very liquid. He dresses well and seems to always have an in-house barber. He is cultured and literally gives the other men in your life (including your man) a run for their money. A date with him makes you feel like a Bond™ girl. He is the man with a plan. Have you ever been to the Mara? This type of guys make it happen. Then there’s this status thing. Women will envy you. Some of them even have the nerve to tell you they prefer this guy to your ‘good guy‘ who’s back in the house doing the dishes.
He treats you to the fine things in life. What’s more, he is single and searching. He is just the perfect playboy.
To the ladies: Good luck on your find. He could be a good guy. One thing is clear, these type of men are not good for the women without ambition. At first it will be all rosy but after a while they will need to connect with like minded people. No successful man wants to be with a woman who can’t hold it down on her own. It’s just the way the world works.I’d advice that you adopt an aggressive method of protecting this man and looking out for his interests. It works like magic.
To the men: If you are this rich man, you are definitely blood in the water and the sharks are heading your way fast. Try as much as possible to never commit until you are ‘tricked’ well. Most of they women interested in you are after your success. With that said, there are still good women out there who will be attracted to you in good faith. You just need to be aware of your surroundings. Meet and date as many women as possible. About you money, do take care of the people that really matter to you. When was the last time you got your family together?
The bad boy
This one never commits. He always has women wailing after him. He gets them, dates them, beds them and he is done. No strings attached. He spends money mostly on himself and the rest he invests in women who will give him a good return. One curious thing though, women have come to like this breed. Everything about them (bad boys) is attractive and they seem to say everything right. The thrill of being with such a guy is irresistible. The allure they posses makes them very valuable targets. There is so much loneliness and want in the world today and all you need sometimes is just a person who can ‘sort you out’ as you look for your Mr. Right. I know, I know… He probably has your underwear from last time still hanging on his fridge as a trophy. He is the guy with the prettiest women and guess what else? They don’t mind!
To the women: I know you’re probably thinking that one day you will change him. I just hope you can say listen to yourself. You are part of a statistic. Remember those thongs you saw at his place? He is definitely not a cross dresser, believe that. He is just an honest man who has decided to be honest with himself. In my opinion, he is the most straightforward guy in the spectrum. Unfortunately you know what we say about a woman who’s been around. If you have to do it, just be discreet and please don’t do it when you’re in a relationship. As boys we look out for each other. If not, we brag out loud with every conquest. You’ll be on the news soon.
To the men: Is this you? Let me just say this man to man, you are a star! You are the villain too! You are the man responsible for the shortlist. You clear the way so that the good man doesn’t have trouble in choosing a good woman. You are probably one of the few men who know how dissatisfied people can be. You help out the desperate and those in search for adventure. You break hearts and feel jerk about it. I cannot blame you though. You always state your intentions before you ‘touch and go’ so technically you are the better guy.
They call this type ‘hussler’. He is a paper chaser among other things. He most probably runs his own business. He believes ever moment spent well, means more. Be it money or relationships. He approaches life in a business sense. He will not be with you if you don’t give him anything in return. He values his friends and family more than anything else. He is the type that takes the biggest risks. He doesn’t trust anyone especially women. He is practical and he compliments rarely. When he says something positive about his woman, she takes it seriously because his approval is hard to come by. He is not an emotional creature but he happens to be strangely romantic. He believes in sticking where there is good business so he will stick and invest in a good woman. He is uncultured and doesn’t give a rat’s ass if a chicken just farted in china.
He has ambition and is always trying to win. He doesn’t rely on job security but he makes things happen all the same. He has his highs and lows.
To the women: This type of guy is one whole tricky affair. It could work or fail because he doesn’t give promises. Women are always looking for a guy who will give them security. This, is a catch 22. On a positive note, this type ends up striking gold almost always. The bible says that man will live by the sweat of his brow. This is it. Unfortunately, there are no guarantees. Be it romance or time together. This type will always come back home after straying. Please stop rolling back your eyes. If you have ever been in a serious relationship, you know how painful and necessary forgiveness can be.
To the men: You’re on to something bro but you need to tone it down a bit. Money is good and important but so are the ones you love. You can afford to surprise her ever now and then. Improve yourself by striving to be a world class man. Take time to travel and see the world. Ever wonder why the women in your life keep disappearing on you? Well, they think you don’t have the touch. You have the ambition, the money and the heart but no touch. Get it?
The self righteous guy
He is the complete ass. He believes he represents the only right that exists in the universe. He is the type that believes they are God’s gift to you. Unfortunately, you can’t resist them. For one reason or the other, they have this attraction that women can’t resist. He is neat and precise. He keeps time and is always waiting for you to mess up so he can reprimand you. He is assertive and very blunt. He is ver conscious of what people think of him. He is most likely very religious. Unfortunately this type can have very bad secret fetishes. The reason he is always evaluating others is because he is in constant effort to hide his shortcomings.
To the women: Stay away form this guy! Don’t say I didn’t warn you.
To the men: If you are this guy: You will burn in hell.
The normal guy
This one is the guy that describes the average man. Sometimes he forgets the important days because he is one track minded. He is constantly trying to improve himself but not too hard. He is not a bad man but also not the best man. He lives an average kind of life. An occasional drink on the weekends and maybe church on Sundays. He is easy to figure out because most of men are just like him [or so you think]. These type stay in employment for a very long time. In terms of drama it’s the same old scenarios. In my opinion, he is sort of a mythical creature. Why are women then attracted to this type? Well, with this man, anything goes. He is easy to control and hold at ransom. Unfortunately, he gets played a lot because he is average and doesn’t leave a mark on women’s memories.
To the women: Unless you’re looking to settle, just stay off this guy. If you are serious about a normal relationship then he is the right candidate. He gives you peace of mind. However, you have to train him and mold him into what you want. He is a very good learner. He is also very likely to be a good father. He is as untidy as boys come but as I said, you can install in him some new software.
To the men: If you are this type, don’t worry. The universe will always look after you. You’ll get a raw deal now and then but you’ll be all right. You also need a hobby or an activity that will jolt you from your comfort zone. It doesn’t hurt to have dreams and ambition.
If you have something good going on for you, hold on to it. If you haven’t found the right one, hold on to your cards. It happens in the most unlikely fashion. I have so much respect for the men and women who try hard everyday to find the shoe that fits. I have much more respect to the ones that constantly repair and patch up their old shoe. Next time, I will talk about relationships and money. Is that a good topic?
Flo Mwangi is a gifted writer who is known for her golden words. Maybe it is in the way she presents real-life-familiar situations that leaves readers wanting more, or it could be the way she speaks to me. I have to admit, she is one beautiful soul that I will forever be thankful to ever have met. Intelligent, reliable and well grounded. I also have to admit that I had to talk to her nicely just so she could let me publish this article. Take in her words and maybe then will you find out the reason why I am a hopeless fan. I am clearly biased.
By Flo Mwangi
I was musing about how interactions with people over the course of our lives has influenced and shaped us. Right from a tender age, from your teachers and playmates back in grade school, your first crush. I remember mine, my first crush, I thought I really loved him then again what did I know about love at that age? For all I knew love could’ve been the wonder of a beautiful butterfly fluttering about, or that wonderful feeling I got when mum came home from work with some goodies, or when we did those lovely family picnics, or when my best-friend carried extra snacks just for me, oh the excitement!! But it was so much fun just being together I mean we did not overburden each other with unrealistic expectations we accepted everyone as they were, one big happy family we all were, every day seemed like a holiday, there was so much harmony. And all these were manifestations of love in its simplest and purest form, we of course complicate it along the way as we grow up and life happens.
One thing I miss about being young is how despite of whatever catastrophes’/disasters might’ve been going on about us, we remained completely oblivious and so grounded in the moment it’s like we existed in a protective bubble and everything just bounced off of us. Nothing mattered more to us than the moment, we were not burdened by the worries and cares of tomorrow. We had so much energy, it’s like life just flowed through us and then growing up just saps it out of us *sigh* Where’s the time machine??
Ok maybe all was not rosy but our greatest fears, which at the time seemed life threatening, were school bullies and the meanies who in their torment sure sharpened our survival skills; we knew just when to sprint and what not to say around who and that just about covered everything. The meanies, now that’s a frustrated lot in life; you spend your life bringing nothing but agony and grief to others and think Karma will just pass you on by? Think about it though, if it weren’t for all those encounters we wouldn’t be who we are. All those people showed us how to live like we do. Whether it’s my ex best friends who I really don’t know how we grew apart, or past loves. I sure have had experiences of what love is and isn’t.
To those I loved but never showed it enough and they were taken from me too soon or we just drifted apart, and they took away a piece of my heart. I might not be able take that back, much as I wish I could, but from that I sure learnt to appreciate and cherish loved ones better for as long as I still have them around. Then there are those that have been there from the start whose loyalties haven’t changed even in the tides of time. Timeless friendships and unions; the beauty of such people is I never need to explain myself to them because they understand me and love me, faults and all, and they only want what’s best for me. They’re ever challenging/inspiring me to be better. And not even my worst profanities can keep them away.
But I’d have to say the lessons I hold dear were from those that scarred me. Right from*Stacy who couldn’t stop running her mouth about me in grade school, for a long while I thought the problem was with me while clearly baby girl had bigger issues. All that bad mouthing was just a projection of her own shortcomings and nothing to do with me. And the likes of *Stacy don’t change much even in adulthood. But knowing that people will always have an opinion about me and how I should run mine, and that I cannot for the life of me please everyone, helps me deal with all that -if you ain’t got nothing constructive to say you could keep going till you’re out of breathe and drop dead for all I care. To *Mark whose broken soul I was so bent on loving till it mended until l I realized no amount of loving would fix his broken self. Positive change can only be brought about by one’s own acceptance that indeed they do have a problem and genuinely seeking out solutions to that problem. Love is just not enough if the one you love has no willingness to change for the better, no matter how much of it you give, and making up excuses for them trying to cover up for their flaws does not help the situation either. Hoping that you can love someone enough to change them is deluding oneself. Before long you find yourself in an emotional rollercoaster that completely drains you emotionally and physically and that is no way to live. Walk away from that.
And if you’re lucky all that wrong might be righted by an encounter with someone who forever changes your perception of love. Right from our first date I knew there was something special with this one. I went into it with an open mind and having no expectations whatsoever except to enjoy myself. I did not have the ‘Mr. Right” checker list we girls secretly carry around. We have all the wrong things on there anyway; all centered on image. Now see that’s where we go wrong. I’ve done that; stayed with someone cause we looked so good together, picture perfect and behind closed doors we could not have been more incompatible. Or because he was well off and seemed like he had a lot going for him and boy did he have a lot going; women, children, physical and emotional abuse. You get the drift.
Back to my date; expectations aside, guard down, I have never had more fun. There were no facades no fronts. He made me laugh. I felt comfortable in my skin and so did he. It was like we had been doing this for years. How do you explain being with someone for the first time and yet feeling like you’ve known them all your life? There was chemistry too; not the ardent urge for physical gratification but a palpable excitement brought about the anticipation of what could be. By the end of that evening I knew that that was the onset of something wonderful and I wasn’t wrong. He has proven to be the best thing that has happened to me in a long while. Loving him is effortless. Even after all this time, every time we get together feels like the first time. I could talk to him for days. He gets me. He sees right through me. Now would you fault me for wanting to have that for a lifetime? Didn’t think so. With him am constantly reminded that there are still some good people in the world, and that we all have a right to happiness in spite of past disappointments and failures. We might never forget the pain caused by those that did us wrong in our past but neither can we keep punishing those that we meet for others’ mistakes. We should never give up on love.
I know we all sit and wonder where all these people -that’ve touched our lives one way or other- are. We’ll never see those days again, and things will never be that way again but that’s just how it goes.
People change, but memories are forever.