See the World Through My Eyes

Posts tagged “Violence and Abuse

Growing a Pair

How do I even begin to tell you what’s in my head? Sometimes my mind takes these dangerous trips that can get quite unpleasant if not controlled. There are thoughts that would change my life dramatically if I were to action them. I’m talking about those instances when I’ve had an intense rush of emotion. Ok maybe emotion sounds a bit too sissy so let me use the word moods. For instance, when someone works you up enough to make your tempers go from zero to stone-angry in a flash, what goes through your mind? Do you feel like bashing their head in? How about farting in their face? Do you cry in complete helplessness? Road rage. Do you suffer from it? Do your ears get hot when an obviously stupid person mocks you on the road and ‘apologizes’ by sticking out their middle finger at you? I bet you’ve ever been stepped on while walking in the busy streets of downtown Nairobi. Did you head-butt the culprit? Did they even say sorry in the first place? Oh I know. You did nothing. You were too scared to share with your aggressor a piece of your mind. You kitten! Yes you. You are probably the world’s lamest pussy. You just walked away murmuring curses under your breath because you were too scared to do anything.

This post is for people like you. Too scared to express these God given urges. I say God given because you were created fearfully and wonderfully and definitely not fearful and always wondering what to do with your emotions. My point, try not to get angry if you really don’t have the balls to express and carry out what’s in your mind. I’m not saying that you need to employ violence in expressing yourself. All I’m saying is that to forgive and move on is the best way to deal with your morbid bursts of anger. That’s the best way to show off balls.

Anyway, all that has nothing to do with the kind of balls I want to talk about today. I’m talking about the balls you need to effectively deal with procrastination. We were created with dream and ambition inside. Have you ever noticed that children are never afraid of dreaming? We all wanted to be pilots, lawyers and doctors when we were growing up. One by one, we dropped out of the race when life got real. We then took up other dreams which we eventually swapped for ‘easier’ ones and now we’re stuck in this murk of a rat race and life is hard. All because we lacked the balls to grab our dreams by the horns. Yes my friend, horns and balls work hand in hand. I hope you have noticed that I placed the words ‘work’ and ‘hand’ together. Hard work will always have to be included if dreams are to come true. Even thieves work hard to plan a heist; who the hell do you think you are?

So anyway, the past is dead. What’re you doing at the moment? Are you stuck in a job you never dreamt of when you were a child? You’re just there for the money right? I get it! You’re just there for a while as you plan a way out. Are you stuck in a friendship or relationship that has never felt right? Do you hate waking up to the same thing for what seems like an eternity? Or maybe you’re still stuck in the mud hoping that one day things will change. Are you stuck in your past? Are your heydays holding you back? Do wish you’d just wake up to a different everything? We all know that may never happen unless you make that move.

I am a firm believer that we were all made for a purpose. We have been placed on this earth to do a job. No matter what you choose to do, the world will always take note and learn from your actions and inactions. All you have to do is decide what type of case study you want to be. There’s always something you can do to change your situation. What’s the use of whining about your bad job if you don’t have the balls to pull of a resignation? How the hell does it help to drool over a girl you always see on your way to work if you’re too scared to walk to her and say hi? Ambition is dead without action. Consequently, ambition and action have a shelf life. This means that you will always miss opportunities if you keep saying you’ll do it tomorrow.  Horns are just a costume if their bearer lacks the balls to take the first step.

Locked in every human being’s DNA is a map that details the path to your destiny. We all know people who’ve ended up hitting the jackpot out of the weirdest of jobs. You can be that person. I can be THAT person. I guess all we need to do is keep trying or at least prepare to die trying. Most often than not, heaven will always answer you immediately you learn the lessons you are supposed to learn. After all, what use is it to have great success yet be unable to contain it? You have come a long way and you have been to hell and back but it wasn’t all for nothing. You were learning the ropes. You were growing a pair.

Balls are selective. They only grow on those who make the choice. You have balls you have will. Having balls means you do what you have to TODAY. It should be noted that no one is born with balls. We all have to grow a pair.

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Fight Club

I would like to say thankful to all those that have ever taken time to visit my blog. This Friday 28th 2011 marks the first year of A Day in a Dog’s Life™. It has been a great 12 months. Through writing, I have met amazing people who’s words shaped my  view on life and made me believe that we were all created by the same hand. I have also had the opportunity of working with great writers who to me are the most amazing and unsung heroes of our time. Thank you for giving my readers more than they bargained for.  I also thank my only best and only paying advertiser who ensured that this blog stayed online. I still need your money. I thank my readers, among them my die hard fans, the most notable one being my mother. Being a great narrator herself, she taught me that words have the power to give or take life. And as much as this sounds like a grammy acceptance speech, I am humbled and honored to write for you. I’m sure my guest writers share this sentiment. Lastly I would like to thank my fiancé who happens to be my ever present english teacher. She’s always shooting down my poor grammar but for some reason, she encourages me on. Your patience with me will be rewarded eventually. For now, please keep accepting my blank checks. Happy new dog year!

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When I was little, I was bullied alot. I was small and openly scared of bigger boys. They would take my lunch almost daily. I hated it especially because I couldn’t tell anyone what I was going through. You see I was raised in a home where dad was always the hero. Up to this day, I have never seen him subdued either by a person or a situation. I believed he was born without tears. You know the kind of guy who’s remain tearless even if your sprayed his bare eyes with pepper? For a man to show weakness was the most despicable crimes of all according to his character. How then would I even begin to tell him that I was being bullied in school? This clearly was going to be my own fight. I tried on numerous occasions to stand up to the bullies but I always ended up beaten and publicly humiliated. At one point I even got beat up by a girl! Oh well, she was some sort of she-male in a skirt. How else would you describe a girl who shaved bald and had three soccer scholarships from an elite football club in Norway? All the same, it stung to be jumped by a girl. Sadly, I never won a single fight in primary school. Well I did actually win once, but by pure luck so deep down I knew that it didn’t count.

In high school, the bullying continued. Despite having my older brother as a senior in his final year when I joined, the bullying escalated to a whole new level. I still couldn’t tell him that I was being bullied. When he left, I knew there had to be a way out. I wasn’t cut out for fighting. I didn’t have the guts despite taking Tae-kwon-do most of my high school life. I also tried rugby to sort of ‘man up’. It ended with a dislocated collar on the second week of practice. I quit soon after. I went on with my martial arts sessions but this time not for self defense but for the peace it gave me inside. I steered clear of bullies and always complied with their demands. Deep down, a storm brewed. I had nothing to show for being a man. Only scars of defeat and miserable academic grades to crown it all. Most of my school mates were from well off families. In fact, the worst bullies were mostly rich kids. You know the kind that forcefully take your food and supplies just to throw them over the fence or in the toilet? The ones that tear your mattress in half just so they can find a sponge to wipe their shoes? It was painful given that I had been from a humble background. Eventually, all that gradually died down as I got older and bolder; a couple of fights later. In the fights that followed after high school, I realized that I had so much storm brewing inside me. I hated bullies with a vengeance and it landed me in some serious trouble. All along I had believed there was no other way out but fight. But gradually I realized that in such fights, no one ever gets to win in the end. Life is full of fights and that’s just how it is. You have the power to choose which fights to fight. Winning  sometimes involves giving in. You can save face and live to fight another day but always know fights are like a hoola-hoop. They always come around.

A fight is just a that, a fight regardless of the context. In a fight, the parties involve are vulnerable to hurt. Wounds are inflicted that may or may not heal in the long run. The only thing that differentiates  one fight from another is the intended outcome. In a physical fight, the outcomes are unpredictable and most of the time ill-intended. There are no rules per se. It’s about hurting the other person and subduing them. Those are not the type of fights that I want to talk to you about today. I want to talk about worthy fights. Some we can’t live without. Fights that express self and individuality. Fights between you and the ones you love. Fights that are fought with words and heart sometimes with the lack thereof. These hurt and sting more than physical fights even though they are not meant to. They involve a lot of sacrifice and understanding. A hell lot of painful waiting too. Surely man has to live for something if not die for it!

It’s one that a jobless man fights when he is struggling to keep his family together through tough times. It’s the fight that this man’s wife fights to stick with him come rain or shine. This fight involves a lot of forgiving and overlooking.

Do you have something or someone close to your heart worth fighting for?

My friend Serah has shed too many a tear. Since her man was diagnosed with cancer, he has become a total wreck. He drinks almost every day of the week and hardly comes home anymore. Every now and then, a friend calls Serah and tells her that Tommy has been seen with a woman in a compromising situation. Last month when they fought over his inexplicable behavior, Tommy told Serah that he’d had enough. That he didn’t find her beautiful anymore and that he never really loved her. He told her that he wanted time off from their relationship. She was hurt deeply and cried all night. She couldn’t understand why he had changed so suddenly. Tommy doesn’t take his medication anymore. He has grown weak and frail. But Serah is not about to leave this man that she loves with all her being. She knows that Tommy is just scared and sad. That he didn’t mean any of the mean things he said. He just doesn’t want to be a burden to her. Serah is a fighter. She always waits up for him every night to feed him and bathe him. He always cries when she does these things. Deep down he knows Serah is in this for the long haul. He just hopes death will take him quickly so he can free Sera, the love of his life. he would want her to move on and love again. He wishes she could find a another man who is better and healthier than him.The fact that true love is unconditional, shreds his heart for now.

All I’m saying is, if it is worth fighting for then it should definitely be worth dying for. Tonight when you go back home, shoot your man a message. Tell him that you’ll give him one more chance to try again. Call your daughter and tell her, you’re not about to let her go. That you will fight till death to bring back the love that a parent should share with their child.  Tell your woman that you’re in it for the long haul [however weak this sounds]. This type of fight should be fought without ego and selfish pride. Otherwise you lose all and end up sad and miserable. For it is in our human element to fight for love. It is in our interest to protect love.

Never utter hurtful words to the ones you love; that you can never take back. Hurtful words inflict permanent wounds. An apology helps heal these wounds but is never an assurance that the scars will disappear. An elephant will remember the poacher who killed her mother 20 years before and attack him in revenge. How much more can a wounded human heart remember? Always take time and great care during confrontations with those close to you. In this fight club, you have to pursue the one you love until they give in. As I said, if it is worth fighting for, it’s worth dying for. The big question is, are you willing to walk the whole mile? If you’re not, then you should pack up and move on. This club is not for you.

Today I remember my grandfather who died fighting for respect from his two youngest sons.

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And yes I was inspired by the movie 🙂