Landing Cave Men
It’s been ages since I wrote a post. I missed you and I have so much to tell you. It’s been quite a ride I must say but first, I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart. Do you realize that A Day in a Dog’s Life is probably one of the first books written publicly by an author together with his readers? That makes me a very proud man. I am thankful and hopeful that this book will be sold and pirated widely. A Day in a Dog’s Life is now selling on Amazon so let’s get online and buy. In the meantime, let’s write another one. Time’s a wasting.
I won’t lie to you, like most of my friends, I never thought it would turn out like this. The idea of being seriously hooked to someone let alone being attached for life was never one I toyed with. I was never really a ‘bad’ guy in my previous life but the mere thought of bidding farewell to the free world scared me. It would never have occurred to me that I would find my way home in the end.
We got married on a lovely morning on the twelfth of December, on an arc over a sparkling pool of blue water. You should have seen the green dew bathed grass glittering under the warm yellow of the sun as my circle of friends made every effort to make this day a dream. And after waiting a century-long seven minutes for emancipation, I finally saw her. I felt boyishly stupid. Even after three years, my insides still melted whenever I saw her. She looked outrageously beautiful in her iced out white dress and little silver ballet shoes. I couldn’t believe how badly I wanted her and even though weddings are normally scripted, I couldn’t help miming an ‘I love you’ to her as she cruised to me. Too bad she couldn’t ignore me because I spoke to her heart. Love was thick in the air as we met on the bridge that I could feel the water steam below. Had this gone on any longer we surely would have set the place on fire.
Yeah, that is me going all emotional. At this point I don’t really mind being a wuss because it feels right. So far so good; I think we’ll be okay. Please don’t ask me how marriage life is or when we’re planning on having a baby because we’re just riding the wave. It’s more fun that way. There’s no formula to it. You wake up each day to work on your boat lest it starts leaking. There will be bad days but more importantly, there will be great moments. You fight, you make up. You love and piss each other off and through all these times you learn to respect the one you’re with.
I will tell you some truths that most married men would find uncomfortable. The reality of their pasts and the turbulence that led them to become love’s greatest martyrs. Ask any person who’s ever been married (willingly out of pure love), it is a great feeling and for a moment your life flashes before your eyes. So why did I get to the point of giving in? Why would I leave the pursuit of all the lovely women I have met in my life to settle for this [annoyingly beautiful] woman that is the love of my life?
I’ve had a good life. That, I must admit. I’m talking about dating and any kind of relationship that a man and a woman can possible have. I remember the first kiss I got was when I was about seven or something close. I can’t remember well. Here’s the interesting part, it was this girl who was about fifteen years older than I was. I’m sure she didn’t kiss me because I was this hot dwarf alpha male. I just happened to bust her kissing another girl and I got curious. So In exchange for my silence I got one wet kiss from this head buzz of a girl on knees. I’m sure she found my kiss wanting but I didn’t care. Think of it like Halle Berry trash talking you as a bad lay. I’d be least bothered. Well, this girl was definitely not a Berry but I thought she was hot at the time. Well, kids tend to appreciate beauty in an awkward way. Boobs first and everything else is a complication. I think every kid under thirteen is a hippy on the inside coz I had this awkward crush on this girl for a long time after the experience that she became my religion. I hope my parents will skip reading this part.
Anyway moving on, sex soon came and luckily, I had it with a much older and experienced girl. Then there came the dry high school years where you just date and write lots of sob letters from ‘prison’. I always hated how we had to be locked up most of the year. We rarely saw women and to some, that was the beginning of an array of disorders that today’s man comes with. How did we even survive those four years? I think we were constantly emotionally confused and desperate but it was part of growing up. I hated school; I’ve had a few good memories of high school though.
Then came the college years where dating opportunities were in plenty but very few were actually viable. At some point I dated this girl that hardly knew a word in english or any language that I could speak. So we just settled on facial expressions to communicate and cuss words to fight. Good thing we were both broke and she’d never been to a date so it was a good thing to my empty pockets. She was a refugee and I was a runaway and this gave us some sort of consolation. I’ll tell you about it a story or two from now. Naturally it didn’t last and we both had to move on. That was a long time ago and I skimmed through a number of relationships each time believing that I’d finally got it right till I got to a point where I wanted something serious.
That’s when I experienced my first bout of cold feet.
Why is it so hard for men to get to that point of proposing? Why do we fear commitment or making promises? There was this pal of mine who had this girl who was always pressuring him to propose because she was ‘running out of time’. Every time he took her out for a date she’d start saying yes even before they could pick their order from the menu. He found it annoying and suffocating how she kept on sending him pro marriage emails. Then came my other friend who was with his girlfriend just because she was a good lay. She couldn’t boil an egg to save her life and she lacked manners. He left her at the altar when he considered that she’d promised him a threesome on their wedding night. Why the hell would a man in his right mind marry a girl that doesn’t see the awkward nature of a threesome on the night of their marriage?
There are so many reasons why men are afraid to commit and every one of them is valid. One thing I would advise any man who hasn’t reached that commitment part of his life is, explore! Meet all the women you can find. You always believe you’ve met or seen the most beautiful woman till you venture out of your small scope. There are WOMEN in the world but like in a convenient store, they come offering different things. Most of us are afraid of losing that one that we think is the only one we have. We rush in too fast for the kill like hyenas even when there exists some doubt. Beauty alone doesn’t cut it (although it must be present). Don’t end up with someone YOU don’t consider beautiful. At the same time, this beauty that you behold must be genuine. There is character and a whole list of other things. What I have come to consider important is the realisation that the person who you end up with is and will be DIFFERENT from you in many aspects. We are raised differently and our ways and opinions don’t have to match. With that said, don’t be in a hurry to commit and most of all, take good time in knowing and developing yourself.
To prevent cold feet, it is advisable to blurt out all your secrets while still in the romance stage. Love, lust & infatuation makes a good buffer for telling one another your past sins and mistakes. It is at this stage where anything can pass and be forgiven. Never at any one point imagine your exclusive partner will forgive you for waiting until the two of you get serious to tell him that you slept with his brother. It only breeds resentment. Remember. There’s always a valid reason for every fight. Since a man and a woman are created differently, they will almost always be at war save if they choose to fit into one another’s shoes.
There are things about a man that will never change. He will always need his cave time whether married or not. A man without cave time has baggage that no woman can handle. Cave time is how a man deals with his problems and challenges. Secondly a man will always value his associates; both male and female, family or friends. I think we’re just wired to stick to and pay homage to what makes us who we are. I wouldn’t advise any woman to tamper with that aspect in a man especially during dating. If he ever catches the slightest whiff that you have reservations about the people or things he values most, he will drop you like a hot potato. I wouldn’t advise any woman to try replace any friend in a man’s life. It’s easier and much more fulfilling to create your own space in his life. Take time to understand the things you can’t change about him. Find their origin and just understand. If you can’t take the implications, then jump off that boat early.
Dear women, a real man is wired for risk. He will lay down his life for anything he finds important even soccer. The worst you can do is try turn him into a wuss because you will have to live with it. Let the man fight and get all the scars he can get. Let him dismantle everything in the house just try reassemble it however destructive he may be. Let him go fishing and drinking with the boys so he can have gripping stories to tell your future kids. The boy in a man never dies. Avoid accompanying him to the garage or to the bar to hang out with his boys. Men hate that. You can imagine how awkward it would get if your boyfriend was chatting with your girls at the salon while you were in the dryer. I know you get what I’m trying to say. Sort that out. If you are the type that will blow your man’s phone with those surgical-location-based-trick-questions, just don’t get into a relationship. Sort that out first. You’ll turn him into a liar and he’ll resent you.
Finally, I’m no professional on issues of marriage as I’m still new in the field but I have a few things I can talk about confidently. First a wedding is not a marriage. It is an event that comes and goes in the blink of an eye. A marriage is a lifestyle and an experience that should last an eternity. It also happens to be a school where two stupid and selfish people learn to rely on each other and efficiently achieve goals as a team. Therefore is it not wiser to plan more for marriage than a wedding? Think about it. Loving and taking care of another person has more meaning and fulfilment to it. Sometimes you will have differences and conflict but at the end of the day you learn to appreciate your individualities. Secondly, don’t force yourself into it if it’s not your time. Dear women, the whole story about a biological clock is still not good enough as an excuse to settle for someone you’re not sure about. As for my brothers, take your time to shop and ponder on who you want to settle with. That is all.